Catch Up

I've done a couple things a little out of order this week, as far as documenting goes, for the becoming a better woman challenge.

Day 3 was supposed to be "find a mentor," but Tiffi decided to change it to "research a womenly topic" instead. That is cool by me. I'm counting it as my day 5 since I'm all mixed up here.

Day 5: Research a womenly topic. I let my friend McKenna do all the research for me and I read her research paper about childbirth in the Victorian Era. It was a pretty fascinating paper. Needless to say, women should not be sacrificing comfort and health during childbirth in order to appear more ladylike for the men in the delivery room. Why they ever thought that delivering babies with the woman on her back (natural childbirth here, no epidural) is beyond me. I'm soooo glad that women today have so many options for how they would like to experience childbirth. I'm glad women aren't pressured by society (as much) to always appear dainty and elegant, even while they are experiencing great pain (aka childbirth).

Day 6: Start a journal. I actually consider this blog my journal. I'd love to write more, but for now I'm happy to record my thoughts and experiences here. It is my intention to add little tidbits about my life, memories, hopes, setbacks, etc. in this blog so it can be like a journal for me. 

Day 7: Update your resume: Done! Man, I look good on paper. :)

Gratitude

Day 4: Cultivate your gratitude

Ten things I am grateful for:

1. My Husband. This totally goes without saying and was definitely the first thing that popped into my mind. I lucked out with Richard. He is so patient, loving, hard-working, smart, and fun. He is my best friend and I love him dearly. My life has been infinitely better since he has been in it.
2. My Faith. This is far beyond gratitude for the religion that I joined so many years ago. I love the organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I happily call myself a Mormon, but I am especially grateful for fundamental doctrine that is at the very core of my religion--the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am humbled and grateful for the things I have experienced that have made my belief in Christ and the relief he offers us all unshakable. 
3. My Family. They are my best friends and my support group. They are my go-to's for cooking help, medical advice, occasional vents, and fun. I'm grateful to live so close to most of them, and to see the out-of-towners as often as I do. 
4. Music. I feel like music is magic, or at least a little piece of heaven that God put on earth for us to discover and enjoy. I love listening to music, writing music, performing music, and teaching music. It's a cool catalyst for friendship and the perfect catharsis for anything that ails you.
5. Sleep. This may seem silly, but it makes everything all better in the morning. Ever have a bad day? Ever feel out of sorts? Go to bed! You will feel better about life in the morning. Trust me.
6. Creativity. I'm grateful for the little spark of creation that God left in all of us. I love that we feel compelled to create a life for ourselves and our families. I love that so many feel compelled to create music, literature, art, and so many other things of great beauty. I love the human experience and those who seek to capture fragments of it through their own divine creativity. 
7. My Health. It sounds like something an old person would say, but I am grateful for the health I've been able to enjoy so far in life. I'm always amazed at the places my body can take me and the things it allows me to do. I'm grateful for how forgiving my body has been in the past of the junk food and wear and tear I have exposed it to. I'm learning to recognize the gentle and sometimes painful warnings it gives me when I have pushed it over its limits. 
8. My Employment. Especially in today's economy, I'm grateful to have a job that I like in an environment that is healthy and welcoming. I didn't ever think I'd end up throwing my degree on the back burner and working for a couple awesome entrepreneurs instead, but here I am. Do you want to know what won me over? The toilet paper. Yup, the toilet paper. Go wipe with the scratchy, coarse, lousy excuse for TP that they stock in those teacher's bathrooms and then come visit me at work and wipe with what we use. That stuff is quality. My employers don't skimp on the small stuff, which speaks volumes for the way they handle the big stuff.
9. Food. Totally love it. Need it. Want it. Oh, baby! I haven't always loved food. I used to think it was just a big waste of time. Now that life has slowed down a bit from the mad days of college, I really love me a good meal. I've loved being able to cook clean meals with my hubby and reap the benefits of a healthier diet. I come from a large family of food snobs as well, which is awesome because whenever we get together there is delicious food involved. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it....mmm, mmm. 
10. Prayer. At times when I have felt the most alone, isolated from all who know and love me, I have always been able to talk to the one who knows me and loves me the most, and for that I am very grateful. I'm thankful that the lines of communication between God and his children, you and me and all of us, have not been severed and never will be. I'm grateful that He listens and answers our prayers, sends us relief, and cheers us on and we face life's struggles. At the end of the day I am most grateful that I can talk to my Heavenly Father and know that he is listening. 

Being active, and stuff

Day 3: Increase your endorphins

Call me lame but when I read today's challenge I had no idea what it meant. Haha. I have a decent idea about endorphins and all that jazz, but I didn't know that we could control their quantity. Makes sense though--the more endorphins I have zinging around this body, the more energy I have. This isn't rocket science, here.

My first thought was to take the easy road and just eat a chocolate bar. My back had other plans. I have terrible posture. My family has this awesome condition called chicken wings (some kinder people call them angel wings) where my shoulder blades are not held properly in place by my back muscles (what back muscles? Oh wait, I have no back muscles) and so they protrude, looking a lot like little wings coming out of my back. It's awesome and it's been a life long sensitivity. Ballet teachers would try to pry my shoulders and back into place with their boney little fingers only to face disappointment. Those things can't just pop back into place. They never were in place. I had a boyfriend joke about my "little hunchy" comparing me to Quazimodo (he was a real winner, that boyfriend). And massage therapists? They about have a heart attack when they see my back. One of them told me that I couldn't afford the amount of therapy it would take to fix my back. Awesome. So encouraging.

All bitterness aside, it is a problem that is starting to cause me some pain. I went to my favorite massage therapist friend for some help. She gave me a massage (not the relaxing kind) and worked out some knots and showed me some good pressure points to work on as well as a few stretches and strengthening activities. Additionally, I've invested in a new yoga mat, an exercise ball, and a cylinder thingy that helps you stretch (see photo). So far, I've completed a set of strengthening exercises and stretches every evening. (That increases endorphins, right?)

Check out this bad boy!

I've also come to the realization that I have no back muscles. I'm not super skelator-like skinny, but my back is pretty boney and my ribs are pretty visible because there are no muscles back there to cloth them. I need to build me some back muscles.

I need suggestions! What kinds of activities and exercises build back muscles? I'm a little clueless. Help me out here.

I'm grateful for Day 3's challenge because it's helped me become more self-aware of the state of my physical health and it has jump-started me into doing something about it. As a woman, I need to take better care of my body, because it is the vessel that carries me through life, and one day will hopefully carry others into this life.

Polishing the Bling Bling

Day 2: Get your diamond ring polished.

Done and done!

When we were newly engaged, we called it "The Sparkly." And for good reason! A women who saw my ring once said, "Let me have a look at that thing on your finger that just blinded me." My wedding ring is a gorgeous 1920's vintage art deco ring that come from an estate sale in New York. It has a bajillion diamonds and a large miner's cut diamond as the center stone. The center stone has a slight flaw just off set from the center of the diamond (I thought that would bother me, but it turns out that it makes it even cooler). It gives the diamond beautiful depth and dimension--which I think could be a beautiful metaphor for anything or anyone with natural flaws.

My ring is the best wedding ring in the world, just like my husband, and I'm not saying that just because they're mine. The ring is flashy yet modest, unique yet timeless, second-hand but so perfectly designed for my personality and style. It's a yellow gold, which I adore, and the diamonds are flush with the gold, so one day when I have kids I won't have to worry about poking their eyes out and scratching their cute little baby skin. So many girls and women have stopped me--in the middle of check out lines, parking lots, libraries, work, church, etc.--asking to see my ring. I'm grateful that it is one of a kind and that I was the lucky soul who found it first. (Do I sound conceded here? I'm totally bragging up a storm about my ring, but I totally love it in every way!)

During the near-engagement phase, Richard and I had gone to countless jewelers looking for the perfect ring. I hated all of them. Every single ring we saw made me want to vomit and then run to a tattoo shop and just get my ring permanently fried on my finger. I'm not a ring-wearer. I don't like spending lots of money of vain things either, and neither one of us had ever spent that much money on something so small in our lives combined. It didn't help either that both of us disliked sentimental traditions so much, especially the expensive kinds. (Planning our wedding was a nightmare.)

One day I wandered into an antiques shop hoping they had something worth looking at. It was the oddest shop. I felt like I had walked into some strange store on Diagon Alley. It was a cluttered messy shop, with nude french paintings in the back corner, a framed vampire bat skeleton leaning against the wall, old stained pioneer dresses on sad mannequins, and more grandma knick knacks than should be legal. I took a shot in the dark and asked the own if he had any diamond rings or engagementy type rings in the shop. I hit the jack pot. With a flick of his hand he squealed, "Oh, Honey! I've got just the thing!" A few minutes later he came back from his vault with cases and cases of rings--vintage, gorgeous, one of a kind, unique, make-your-heart-sing rings!

I ignored all price tags and picked our five that I liked. The glorious store owner set them aside for me until the weekend when I could bring Richard in and share with him my great plunder. Richard and I narrowed our choices down to two rings and I let him choose which one to get so it could be somewhat of a surprise. The whole two weeks after I prayed that he would choose this ring, and he did! God just has an appreciation for fine jewelry, I guess. I will also mention that the ring was a complete bargain. Second-hand shopping rocks!

It is the ring of my dreams, given to me by the man of my dreams. When Richard proposed he said that this was the first of many wonderful things that he wanted to provide for me throughout life. I'm happy just to have him. :) I loved today's (technically Thursday's) challenge. It's reminded me of how wonderful our courtship was and how totally spectacular our marriage has become. And now my sparkly is even sparklier.

I love this part of being a women.

My Core Values

Day 1: Define your core values

I’ve been stewing over my core values for a few days now. It’s been hard narrowing them down to just a short list and really doing that introspective thing and finding out what I really value, as opposed to what I think other people would expect me to value.

I know this is the art of womenliness project, and I was supposed to come up with a list of values that I uphold as a woman, but I didn’t actually factor my gender in to this list as I was making it. (I’m not sure what that means! Should I have considered my gender more? Is my gender an integral part of who I am? Should gender really sway your values one way or another? Great questions for a feminist lit. class, I’m sure.) Perhaps my gender has a natural influence, but these are things that I value as a human being.

Integrity - I value honesty in all areas of life. I think that it is beyond important to be honest with your dealings at work, home, with friends, family, and especially with yourself--the hardest person to be honest with. My sister Cheryl is a rockin’ example of integrity. I have never seen her compromise her integrity. She does what is right anytime, anyplace, anywhere, even when the consequences aren’t favorable and the easy way out is available.  Whenever I’m faced with a hard decision that may involve sacrificing my integrity, I think of Cheryl and what she would do. She doesn’t know that.

My husband, Richard, is also a rockstar when it comes to integrity. I admire how honest he is with himself. He frequently evaluates his motives and keeps them pure. Consequently, he makes really good choices and is selfless and consistent--I love him for it.

I value the integrity that I see in others, and I am striving to have that same integrity. I can usually tell when my motives are out of whack or when I’m not being honest with myself because I either A) feel selfish/lame or B) cannot get the chi flowing with I practice yoga. Yoga is the hardest when I am fighting with myself--selfish motives vs. pure motives. Yoga is the bomb.

As a couple, Richard and I have wanted integrity to be one of the building blocks of our relationship, home, and family. Consequently, we find ourselves making a bigger effort to be true to our word, following through on commitments, and doing the right things for the right reasons (and trying very hard not to do the right things for the wrong reasons or the wrong things for the right reasons).

Creativity - “I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul. I let my music take me where my heart longs to go.”

I always loved doing creative projects as a kid, even though I epically failed at art. I felt like I could create my own little world where there were no limits to the use of color! I usually overdid it on the bright colors (just like I overdo it now with spices when I cook). My creative outlet as an adult has been music. I’m lucky to have a musical husband. Playing music is one of our favorite things to do together. I feel like creativity is a great escape from the rat-race I swim against every day. Let’s just face it--state street in Orem is an ugly mess of run down businesses,  parking lots, and telephone lines. I love escaping that mess through my music and other creative ventures. Richard and I are also in the process of creating a garden in our backyard as our own little personal escape and we’ve really enjoyed the creative process so far. Richard says that there is a difference between “real life” and the “adult game.” When he initially told me about his theory, it freaked me out. I thought I was dating a sociopath or something. But it actually makes a lot of sense. The adult game is what we have to play each day in order to pay our bills and buy food and real life is a collection of all the creative moments that happen in between. It’s what we live for. It makes all the other hoops and headaches worth it.   

Family - I value my family because they are present in all of the many parts of me. They accept and support and enjoy all of me--the academic, the goofball, the sob fest. They allow me to maintain my social integrity by loving me unconditionally. That’s pretty awesome.

I love spending quality time with my family. I’m lucky enough to live close to both my family and Richard’s family. As I’ve gotten older it’s been cool to watch family members transform into really good friends. I don’t know what I would do without my sisters--they are my bff’s. My family extends far beyond my brothers and sisters, too. I find myself surrounded by awesome friends who know how to have a ton of random fun, even though we are not teenagers anymore (bubblegun+99 red balloons+12am+empty parking lot=awesome). A husband is the best of both worlds, though. He is both family and friend, and mine is the best. I adore him.   

Fun - Yes, fun can be a value. What is the point of life if you are not having fun? Granted, you can’t have fun all the time (or can you?), but laughter and a good sense of humor can make the most horrendous experiences pretty awesome. I learned this lesson on my mission tracting in sleet with a shotty umbrella, endurance thinning, companion crying. Maybe insanity was sinking in, but when it seemed hopeless it just felt good to laugh. I tried to make my companion laugh too so it didn’t seem like I was laughing at her tears. And we made it through that nasty winter, dang it! And we had a lot of fun.

I also value spontaneous fun. I think I started falling in love with my husband (who was then my summer fling) while we were wandering around Wal-mart late one night making fun of big screen tv’s. We laughed so much.  I really fell hard for him (he had reached boyfriend status by this point) when we found a pit of mud while hiking one weekend and jumped in and pretended to be mud monsters. We’re so awesome. Our kids are going to love us.

Logic - As someone who has not always been especially logical and has made some pretty stupid and embarrassing and almost life altering (and not in a good way) decisions based off of her emotions, I REALLY value logic. I like people who think and act and speak logically. I like making logical choices--I never regret them.. I like picking my husband’s mind when I need to make those decisions because he is so smart, level headed, and logical. I hate emotional games that people play--nothing turns me off faster. I’ve found that logical decision making leads to steadiness and consistency, and that a consistent life is much more productive and much less traumatizing/dramatic.

There they are, my core values as of May 3, 2013. Woot woot!